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Smarter than You

I play World of Warcraft, this isn't a secret. Every day my spam folder in gmail is literally filled with fake e-mails from "Blizzard" trying to get me to hand over my login information like I'm new to the internet. Full of spelling mistakes and broken english, as well as links that are obviously fake, I wonder how anyone can fall for this. If someone gets their account hacked that way, they're stupid. Then there are the assholes who develop sneaky spyware like the one I'm linking intended to log your info as you login.



I found this on my system earlier, apparently it snuck in with a video converter I downloaded a few months ago. Symantec only just now picked it up. Thankfully I use an authenticator, so I hope some asshole in China who was looking to hack my account is now sitting in his chair cursing to himself in broken english. Fuck you, asshat. Better luck next time. Find a blonde who plays the game.

Showgirls 15th Anniversary

So Showgirls, the first and only movie I jokingly reviewed on here, is having its 15th anniversary this year and some blogger wrote this "seven important lessons learned from the movie" article. ...and I found it on Digg.

http://www.thesmokingjacket.com/entertainment/seven-important-lessons-learned-from-the-movie-showgirls

My new favorite show.

My co-worker introduced me to this show. :) It's called "The IT Crowd" and it's a British comedy about 2 IT guys who work in the basement and their female boss, who knows nothing about computers. If you've ever worked in IT, or know how some of these people can be you'll find it HYSTERICAL... I can't keep a straight face while watching this show AT ALL. LOVELOVELOVE.

They took my clip down so go find the show on Netflix!

Follow the flowchart, please.

I got a new job 3 weeks ago. Once again it's IT related. This picture, among many others, is now taped by my massive desk covered in computers. I wish I could hand it out to the faculty without looking like a jackass.



I also wanted to add the Dilbert one :) I didn't find this one, another person in my office did but it cracked me up.

Ellen DeGeneres quit American Idol

I just read today that Ellen DeGeneres quit American Idol, after having just been brought on as a judge last year. A lot of people may see this as a negative thing, but I much prefer Ellen not on that show. To me, when she signed onto it last year, I thought she sold out in a way. I'm so glad she's been successful with her talk show, especially after everything she's been through, but I never wanted to see her be made over and branded, and forced to censor herself. I felt that's what American Idol did to her, and why she herself said to the producers that it was a bad fit. You could see it all over her face when you watched her on the show. She looked uncomfortable. I have loved Ellen for years and years. When I used to get home from high school I would turn on the lifetime channel and catch reruns of her old show "Ellen (these friends of mine)". It's still one of the funniest shows I've ever seen. She's the reason, whenever I go to Disney World down in Florida, I visit EPCOT center first to go to the Universe of Energy attraction("Ellen's Energy Adventure" starring her and Bill Nye the Science Guy). For a public speaking presentation I made senior year of high school, I used her stand up routine "The Beginning" as my example of great comedy, and why people need to laugh more. I could quote her material until I'm blue in the face. She's funny without trying hard, or having to resort to being dirty and swearing constantly. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm one of her original fans, not just someone who hopped on the train of liking her now that her name is up there with Oprah and she's doing commercials for American Express and CoverGirl. I feel she's one of the real, genuine, caring people who just so happen to also be deemed a "celebrity." She's humble, she's kind, and she's someone I would easily be friends with if I knew her in person. Leaving American Idol was a good decision, because she's always been too good for that show. Don't get me wrong, I have watched several seasons of American Idol and I'm not saying the show is awful, but Ellen is on a different level. She's just herself, and she doesn't give a shit what people think. I have a lot of faith that even Hollywood can't ruin her.

This is from 2000. Part of her comedy routine for HBO entitled "The Beginning"


And for a prime example of how Ellen's a wonderful person.

Not all of us who drink are poets, some of us drink because we're not poets

That's actually a quote from Arthur, which some may know is my favorite movie of all time. That has nothing to do with this entry, but it came to mind as I was mindlessly playing Meerca Chase at 4:30am.

Meerca Chase is a game on Neopets. That's the point of this entry. :) I had just showered and remembered upon getting out that I gave the job I'm supposed to have an interview with soon my more professional email address, which I haven't checked in almost a week. In a freak panic, I pulled my laptop back out and checked my email, breathed a sigh of relief there weren't 3 missed emails from them, and then somehow... ended up on Neopets. Apparently I had put it in my bookmarks on my Macbook Pro which I only use once in a blue moon, right now being because I'm at my grandma's and she finally got the internet (woot!).

So I have this thing with Neopets. It's a love-hate relationship. Once a year I become really addicted to the site for about a month, then I forget all about it for the rest of the year. The cycle will then repeat the following year when (like now) I'm reminded of it and how much I love some of their stupid flash games (faerie bubbles!). A few years ago I managed to accumulate enough neopoints to put together the map that lets you zap your pets into different colors, and I went crazy on the games trying to get all these trophies.

I'll see you all in a month.

Reel Big Fish

Reel Big Fish has been one of those bands I fell in love with in college. The first time I heard them was in the car with Heather, Eric and Ed and the song was "Where Have You Been". The song fit my mood perfectly that day when it came on. Their songs seem to have a habit of doing that, like right now this song fits pretty well. This is your song, congratulations.

Degrassi

I've loved this show for... 10 years now. Since it started basically, and tonights movie special (which I watched before it actually aired on teennick.com tonight) was horribly disappointing. I'm going to assume no one who reads this has any intentions of ever watching it, but if you do this could be considered a spoiler so go away.

Now that that's been said... SPINNER AND EMMA GET FUCKING MARRIED IN THE MOVIE. WHAT THE HELL. HE WAS DATING JANE FOR THE LAST 2 SEASONS, WHAT THE FRIGGIN CRAP. This seemed like a condensed version of the movie "What Happens in Vegas". I mean, Emma and Sean dancing at a wedding in season 2 or 3 (I forget which), cute. Emma and Spinner having a a shotgun wedding and them trying to turn the wedding into a romantic moment? NOT CUTE. Don't get me wrong, I think Jane's character is much better off for not marrying Spinner (one of my least favorite characters since the beginning), but EMMA? Come on, it's like the shows directors called every person from the first few seasons to come back to film this movie and have someone marry Spinner and Miriam McDonald was the only one desperate enough to agree. Those two characters have no history, and no chemistry. The whole thing looked forced and awkward. I know Shenae Grimes moved to California to go film 90210, but God, give her a call to make a quick cameo as Darcy, because even THAT would have made better sense, he at least dated her previously. Hell, why not Paige? Good grief. Who the hell decided this was a good plot decision? I'd like to punch them in the face. I know this show likes to "go there" as they put it, and they've had a lot of out there plots, but this is legitimately the only one I've ever seen and thought "are the writers even trying anymore? or just trying to see what they can get away with?"

Anyone who knows me knows I love South Park. They had an episode a few seasons ago in which they depicted the writers of Family Guy to be nothing more than manatees pushing phrases and words on balls around in a tank to form an episodes script. Perhaps Degrassi borrowed this method from Family Guy, because I can't figure out any other way they could have come up with something this fucking retarded.

End rant. I have a wedding to attend in 8 hours. AND IT'S NOT SPINNER AND EMMA'S.

20 Must See Movies to Share With Your Kids... my version

I love random articles on digg, and the other day this one was posted by some guy who compiled a list of the top 20 movies he'd show to his future kids. I agreed with some but I'd also change a lot. This was his list (not in any order) and I've starred the ones I would keep:

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)*****
The Absent-Minded Professor (1961)
The Incredibles (2004)*****
Swiss Family Robinson (1960)
The Entire Disney Traditional Animation Catalogue*****
Mary Poppins (1964)
Kung Fu Panda (2008)*****
The Shaggy Dog (1959)
Hook (1991)
Jim Henson's The Storyteller (1988)
Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)
The Parent Trap (1961)*****
The Love Bug (1968)
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)
Old Yeller (1957)
Abbott & Costello in Pardon My Sarong (1942)
The Muppet Movie (1979)***** (except substitute this for "A Muppet Christmas Carol")
Flight of the Navigator (1986)
How To Train Your Dragon (2010)
The Mighty Ducks (1992)*****

A few of the ones he posted I have never even seen, like The Love Bug, Abbott & Costello in Pardon My Sarong, Flight of the Navigator, The Shaggy Dog, Swiss Family Robinson, The Absent-Minded Professor... basically all of the much older ones. I can't pass judgment on those since I haven't seen them, but I doubt many kids would be too interested in seeing black and white movies unless they're spectacular (maybe they are - who knows). I slept through Citizen Kane and On the Waterfront in my film class in college because they bored the hell out of me, and they're considered some of the best films in history. I just think the story in a black and white film needs to be amazing to keep a little kids attention, if it's not... goodbye.

I really want to thank this blog writer for not including the Wizard of Oz on that list. I know that's always considered by most people to be a big family film but the only way I could stomach sitting through it the last time was while high and syncing it to Pink Floyd. I would never submit my kids to that. His inclusion of the ORIGINAL Willy Wonka is something I would never change though. He's right when he says that Gene Wilder is untouchable in that role. I feel like Johnny Depp pissed all over it in the remake. I don't want to see Willy Wonka as a confused, depressed, borderline schizophrenic, Michael Jackson-esque homosexual. I also would change the Muppet movie to A Muppet Christmas Carol, or maybe leave both, not sure. I saw the Disney version of A Christmas Carol last December and let me just say... spare yourself and re-watch the Muppet version. Gonzo and Fozzy are much more interesting to watch than Disney's latest attempt at 3D. Lastly, the Disney animated classics would all stay, I'm glad he didn't try and make a list including only some of those because there's so many great ones you could list 20 just from that (love his reference to the Fox and the Hound - it's a Disney favorite of mine that is often neglected).

Here's my list.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
The Entire Disney Traditional Animation Catalogue (with honorable mentions to recent CGI films such as Finding Nemo, UP, Monsters Inc. and WALL-E)
Labyrinth (1986)
Kung Fu Panda (2008)
The Parent Trap (1961)
Charlotte's Web (1973)
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
A Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
My Neighbor Totoro (1988) (Extreme love for this film, and totoro even had an adorable cameo in Toy Story 3!)
Wallace and Gromit (the shorts, film, and including the movie Chicken Run (2000) by the same creator)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Fern Gully (1992)
Yours, Mine and Ours (1968)
Once Upon a Forest (1993)
The Last Unicorn (1982)
Homeward Bound (1993)
Jurassic Park (1993)
James and the Giant Peach (1996)
A Little Princess (1995)
Beetle Juice (1988)

Honorable mentions also go to The Mighty Ducks (1992), Ice Age (2002), Little Women (1994), Anastasia (1997), The Iron Giant (1999), Back to the Future (1985) and The Incredibles (2004). I would also probably include The Dark Crystal (1982) on here if I didn't think Jim Henson's creepy puppets in the film might give kids nightmares. I actually think I was more creeped out by them when I re-watched it when I was older than when I saw it as a kid though. Odd.

Female Viagra is a crock.

I was all set to go to bed at a relatively decent time tonight, but while browsing a few last minute things on my iPhone I came across this retarded article. If you're too lazy to read it, it basically says how a new clinical study of the "female viagra" pill has had little to no effect on women's desire to have sex. NO SHIT.

Men's viagra corrects a physical problem, what physical problem do they need to correct in women? Nothing, because women don't require any major physical transformation to have sex. This pill is their attempt at rewiring the female brain to want sex more. Anyone with a brain out there would know that there are a LOT of factors that go into a woman's desire to want to have sex with someone. It's not as simple as throwing a pill at them that's really nothing more than a glorified anti-depressant. With the exception of skanks who fuck anything (and wouldn't need this pill to do so anyway), most women require an emotional connection with someone to want to have sex with them. Is the pill going to create one? Maybe their significant other is just a douchebag, will this pill make them more appealing by changing the attitude of their partner? No. If a woman isn't having sex with their husband/boyfriend/whatever, it's most likely because they're bored with it or no longer attracted to the person. Or the person is an asshole. Or they're having a shitty day. There are a million different reasons women may not be interested in sex with a specific person, and no pill is going to change that.

Poohbear.

I could make a collage of all the stupid ways in which my cat sleeps, but this one is by far my favorite. I like to call it "dead in hallway"

I adore Chris Rock

I love Chris Rock. I have for a long time, and tonight I happened to catch my favorite comedy special of his on tv, "Never Scared". I could recite this whole thing from beginning to end I've seen it so many times (kind of like the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, and, well, a lot of movies actually). I ended up in a strip club for a half hour this past weekend with my best friend (she was "curious", and it would require a special post all its own), but it reminded me of Chris Rock's bit in this special where he says "When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? Was there a big ho convention, and all the hoes got together and said: "We need something new! Something that just says nasty"...And one girl said: "I got it! Clear heels!" Ooh, girl, you disgusting!"
It was running through my mind the entire time I was in there, that and "why is this chair so sticky?" but I couldn't think about the second one too long without getting really disgusted. We left when my friend was horrified to her complete satisfaction.

I got to see Chris Rock in person on the short-lived Jay Leno show last October in LA. He happened to be his guest and was just as hilarious in person. He also looks like he never ages, which is another thing I'll probably make a post about soon because I'm really tired of people being shocked when I tell them that no, I'm not 16.

I'll leave you with Chris Rock's take on relationships. The only good relationships are bad ones, "you gave me crabs, that's exciting! I wonder what tomorrow's gonna bring"

Justin Bieber

I just had to post this.

Review: Showgirls (1995)

I've been wondering what movie to begin with in here, and tonight I sat and watched Showgirls for probably the 20th time and thought "why not write about this piece of crap that I love!" It's not a new movie, made back in 1995, but I only recently saw it for the first time.

This movie really isn't good whatsoever. I'm not going to pretend it is. The acting is at times like a soap opera, everything plays out overly dramatically and things sometimes just flat out don't make sense. It is however a movie I without fail end up watching all the way through if I see it on. Every time. I've made other people sit through this just so they can experience how ridiculous it is. It's like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away. When this movie originally came out, it was an enormous flop. It was supposed to make Elizabeth Berkley (the lead) a huge star, and instead it did the opposite, few people wanted to work with her after this film.

The movie is about a wanderer named Nomi who hitchhikes her way to Las Vegas, gets taken in by a girl named Molly, and gets a job dancing at the "Cheetah Club" as a stripper/private dancer. Molly works as a costume designer at the Stardust hotel's showgirls show "Goddess", which Nomi eventually gets an audition with when she shows off her dancing skills by giving the shows entertainment director a private dance at her strip club. She gets the gig and begins dancing in the show, but is constantly at odds with the shows main star "Crystal Connors", played (and outacted by) by Gina Gershon. Eventually Nomi's ambition to be the star of the show makes her push Crystal down the stairs and lands her in the hospital, leaving Nomi to fill her shoes as the show's lead.

This movie also has Kyle MacLachlan in it, who plays the shows entertainment director (and whom I will always associate as Trey from Sex and the City), Nomi's half-love interest. I say half because the guy was previously screwing Crystal Connors, who is bi and also wants to fuck Nomi. One great line from the movie is when Kyle MacLachlan's character Zack says to Crystal "are you mad because I fucked her, or because I beat you to the punch?" This entire movie is just a buffet of sexuality and nudity. Everyone is either entirely naked or at least topless throughout 3/4th of the film. That doesn't bother me at all anyway, after a while you forget you're even looking at boobs anymore because they're in every scene. Ever laugh in musicals or tv shows when people suddenly burst into song and dance and everyone seems to know the steps and words? That happens a lot in this movie. Nomi seems to know all the routines people are trying to teach her after having watched them for a fraction of a second. Then there's the sex scene with Nomi and Zack in his pool, where she thrashes around so violently you can't tell whether she's having sex or an epileptic fit. Her body is literally slapping backwards against the water. Any normal person who attempted that would snap their neck, or drown themselves as there was also a small waterfall behind her which would have been flowing up her nose. Ridiculous.

I found this great parody on youtube of this pool scene, it's from "Another Gay Sequel" and may give you an idea of how retarded the actual scene is.


Elizabeth Berkley also has some of the largest hips I've seen on a skinny girl. Whenever they zoom up on them their sheer size continues to shock me. The guys I've forced to watch this film still gave it bad reviews despite all the nudity. About halfway through they were actually wanting these people to put some damn clothes on. They found a way to make boobs boring to men! Who knew that could even happen. Watch this movie and you'll see what I mean.

Overall it's one of those so-bad-it's-good types of films, but clearly not to everyone. This movie bombed for a reason, a good one, and to enjoy it you need to be able to see past the stupid over-acting, inability to make sense, and complete lack of a decent ending to the quirkiness and take this film as what it is: something to laugh at. A+ to Gina Gershon's acting though, if you decide to see this movie for any reason, it should be to see what she does with her character.

Oh, one more thing. The first thing I thought when I saw Elizabeth Berkley was how closely she resembled AnnaLynne McCord (from Nip/Tuck and 90210). It was rather freaky. If this movie is ever remade, they should know who to call!