I love Chris Rock. I have for a long time, and tonight I happened to catch my favorite comedy special of his on tv, "Never Scared". I could recite this whole thing from beginning to end I've seen it so many times (kind of like the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, and, well, a lot of movies actually). I ended up in a strip club for a half hour this past weekend with my best friend (she was "curious", and it would require a special post all its own), but it reminded me of Chris Rock's bit in this special where he says "When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? Was there a big ho convention, and all the hoes got together and said: "We need something new! Something that just says nasty"...And one girl said: "I got it! Clear heels!" Ooh, girl, you disgusting!"
It was running through my mind the entire time I was in there, that and "why is this chair so sticky?" but I couldn't think about the second one too long without getting really disgusted. We left when my friend was horrified to her complete satisfaction.
I got to see Chris Rock in person on the short-lived Jay Leno show last October in LA. He happened to be his guest and was just as hilarious in person. He also looks like he never ages, which is another thing I'll probably make a post about soon because I'm really tired of people being shocked when I tell them that no, I'm not 16.
I'll leave you with Chris Rock's take on relationships. The only good relationships are bad ones, "you gave me crabs, that's exciting! I wonder what tomorrow's gonna bring"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Review: Showgirls (1995)
I've been wondering what movie to begin with in here, and tonight I sat and watched Showgirls for probably the 20th time and thought "why not write about this piece of crap that I love!" It's not a new movie, made back in 1995, but I only recently saw it for the first time.
This movie really isn't good whatsoever. I'm not going to pretend it is. The acting is at times like a soap opera, everything plays out overly dramatically and things sometimes just flat out don't make sense. It is however a movie I without fail end up watching all the way through if I see it on. Every time. I've made other people sit through this just so they can experience how ridiculous it is. It's like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away. When this movie originally came out, it was an enormous flop. It was supposed to make Elizabeth Berkley (the lead) a huge star, and instead it did the opposite, few people wanted to work with her after this film.
The movie is about a wanderer named Nomi who hitchhikes her way to Las Vegas, gets taken in by a girl named Molly, and gets a job dancing at the "Cheetah Club" as a stripper/private dancer. Molly works as a costume designer at the Stardust hotel's showgirls show "Goddess", which Nomi eventually gets an audition with when she shows off her dancing skills by giving the shows entertainment director a private dance at her strip club. She gets the gig and begins dancing in the show, but is constantly at odds with the shows main star "Crystal Connors", played (and outacted by) by Gina Gershon. Eventually Nomi's ambition to be the star of the show makes her push Crystal down the stairs and lands her in the hospital, leaving Nomi to fill her shoes as the show's lead.
This movie also has Kyle MacLachlan in it, who plays the shows entertainment director (and whom I will always associate as Trey from Sex and the City), Nomi's half-love interest. I say half because the guy was previously screwing Crystal Connors, who is bi and also wants to fuck Nomi. One great line from the movie is when Kyle MacLachlan's character Zack says to Crystal "are you mad because I fucked her, or because I beat you to the punch?" This entire movie is just a buffet of sexuality and nudity. Everyone is either entirely naked or at least topless throughout 3/4th of the film. That doesn't bother me at all anyway, after a while you forget you're even looking at boobs anymore because they're in every scene. Ever laugh in musicals or tv shows when people suddenly burst into song and dance and everyone seems to know the steps and words? That happens a lot in this movie. Nomi seems to know all the routines people are trying to teach her after having watched them for a fraction of a second. Then there's the sex scene with Nomi and Zack in his pool, where she thrashes around so violently you can't tell whether she's having sex or an epileptic fit. Her body is literally slapping backwards against the water. Any normal person who attempted that would snap their neck, or drown themselves as there was also a small waterfall behind her which would have been flowing up her nose. Ridiculous.
I found this great parody on youtube of this pool scene, it's from "Another Gay Sequel" and may give you an idea of how retarded the actual scene is.
Elizabeth Berkley also has some of the largest hips I've seen on a skinny girl. Whenever they zoom up on them their sheer size continues to shock me. The guys I've forced to watch this film still gave it bad reviews despite all the nudity. About halfway through they were actually wanting these people to put some damn clothes on. They found a way to make boobs boring to men! Who knew that could even happen. Watch this movie and you'll see what I mean.
Overall it's one of those so-bad-it's-good types of films, but clearly not to everyone. This movie bombed for a reason, a good one, and to enjoy it you need to be able to see past the stupid over-acting, inability to make sense, and complete lack of a decent ending to the quirkiness and take this film as what it is: something to laugh at. A+ to Gina Gershon's acting though, if you decide to see this movie for any reason, it should be to see what she does with her character.
Oh, one more thing. The first thing I thought when I saw Elizabeth Berkley was how closely she resembled AnnaLynne McCord (from Nip/Tuck and 90210). It was rather freaky. If this movie is ever remade, they should know who to call!
This movie really isn't good whatsoever. I'm not going to pretend it is. The acting is at times like a soap opera, everything plays out overly dramatically and things sometimes just flat out don't make sense. It is however a movie I without fail end up watching all the way through if I see it on. Every time. I've made other people sit through this just so they can experience how ridiculous it is. It's like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away. When this movie originally came out, it was an enormous flop. It was supposed to make Elizabeth Berkley (the lead) a huge star, and instead it did the opposite, few people wanted to work with her after this film.
The movie is about a wanderer named Nomi who hitchhikes her way to Las Vegas, gets taken in by a girl named Molly, and gets a job dancing at the "Cheetah Club" as a stripper/private dancer. Molly works as a costume designer at the Stardust hotel's showgirls show "Goddess", which Nomi eventually gets an audition with when she shows off her dancing skills by giving the shows entertainment director a private dance at her strip club. She gets the gig and begins dancing in the show, but is constantly at odds with the shows main star "Crystal Connors", played (and outacted by) by Gina Gershon. Eventually Nomi's ambition to be the star of the show makes her push Crystal down the stairs and lands her in the hospital, leaving Nomi to fill her shoes as the show's lead.
This movie also has Kyle MacLachlan in it, who plays the shows entertainment director (and whom I will always associate as Trey from Sex and the City), Nomi's half-love interest. I say half because the guy was previously screwing Crystal Connors, who is bi and also wants to fuck Nomi. One great line from the movie is when Kyle MacLachlan's character Zack says to Crystal "are you mad because I fucked her, or because I beat you to the punch?" This entire movie is just a buffet of sexuality and nudity. Everyone is either entirely naked or at least topless throughout 3/4th of the film. That doesn't bother me at all anyway, after a while you forget you're even looking at boobs anymore because they're in every scene. Ever laugh in musicals or tv shows when people suddenly burst into song and dance and everyone seems to know the steps and words? That happens a lot in this movie. Nomi seems to know all the routines people are trying to teach her after having watched them for a fraction of a second. Then there's the sex scene with Nomi and Zack in his pool, where she thrashes around so violently you can't tell whether she's having sex or an epileptic fit. Her body is literally slapping backwards against the water. Any normal person who attempted that would snap their neck, or drown themselves as there was also a small waterfall behind her which would have been flowing up her nose. Ridiculous.
I found this great parody on youtube of this pool scene, it's from "Another Gay Sequel" and may give you an idea of how retarded the actual scene is.
Elizabeth Berkley also has some of the largest hips I've seen on a skinny girl. Whenever they zoom up on them their sheer size continues to shock me. The guys I've forced to watch this film still gave it bad reviews despite all the nudity. About halfway through they were actually wanting these people to put some damn clothes on. They found a way to make boobs boring to men! Who knew that could even happen. Watch this movie and you'll see what I mean.
Overall it's one of those so-bad-it's-good types of films, but clearly not to everyone. This movie bombed for a reason, a good one, and to enjoy it you need to be able to see past the stupid over-acting, inability to make sense, and complete lack of a decent ending to the quirkiness and take this film as what it is: something to laugh at. A+ to Gina Gershon's acting though, if you decide to see this movie for any reason, it should be to see what she does with her character.
Oh, one more thing. The first thing I thought when I saw Elizabeth Berkley was how closely she resembled AnnaLynne McCord (from Nip/Tuck and 90210). It was rather freaky. If this movie is ever remade, they should know who to call!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Undateable
I was originally going to make this new blog somewhere to solely discuss & rate movies, since I'm completely obsessed with them, but to change it up sometimes I want to post things like this. Go figure this ends up being my first post in here.
Tonight I was up late (this isn't unusual) and caught an episode of this weird show on VH1 called "Undateable" which was counting down the top 311 things guys do to "guarantee they won't be dating or having sex". I was laughing so hard a half hour into this show I rewinded it with my DVR to make a list of the 20 that they were discussing. Here's 80-60.
80. Aggressive Sports Fan
79. Murse (Man-Purse)
78. Whining
77. Japris/Jhorts (Jean-Capris/Shorts)
76. Air Guiter
75. Saying "Boner"
74. Fake Swearing
73. Hawaiian Shirts
72. Overly Creative Voicemail
71. Names for Breasts (yuck yuck yuck!)
70. Listening to Lite FM
69. Skull Wears
68. Speaking in a Cartoon Voice
67. Can't Throw a Baseball
66. Pet Names for your Penis
65. Crocs
64. Pitted out Shirts (Pit Stains)
63. Booyah!
62. Tap That/Hit That
61. Dungeons & Dragons
60. LARPing (Live Action Role Playing)
Clearly the people who made this list were a little anti-geek so I don't agree with all of it (D&D for example I don't care about, especially since I avidly play World of Warcraft, though someone who seriously LARPs would be pushing it). I kind of hate sports, so I could care less if a guy could throw a baseball and I definitely would never date an "aggressive sports fan" (as the show said, these guys are more in a relationship with the game/their team and you're their mistress). I do have a soft side for girly men, but I don't want them carrying a man purse, that's really creepy. I did date a guy who wore basically nothing but Hawaiian shirts for the entire first year I knew him, but I think this depends on the person, and my ability to look past it. I also dated a guy who used the word "boobies" sometimes, usually because he knew I hated it and would tease me with the word. I still hated it, nicknames for boobs is a huge pet peeve. No one should do it, it's not attractive hearing boob nicknames, and using the word "boobies" is an indicator of immaturity. PASS. All other things on this list I'm rather neutral about, with the exception of anyone who'd ever say "I wanna tap that", because that's the cue to immediately walk away. Any guy who uses that term is an asshole. Lastly, Japris make anyone look fat/unappealing. I don't approve of girls wearing them either, not that I know anyone that does. And who the hell says the word "boner", ever? I can see that in an American Pie movie from the 90's... but that's about it.
Overall a good list, I wanna catch the rest of these shows to see what made their #1. I hope it's snoring, because that's certainly my #1. I know it can't be helped, but god it's annoying.
Tonight I was up late (this isn't unusual) and caught an episode of this weird show on VH1 called "Undateable" which was counting down the top 311 things guys do to "guarantee they won't be dating or having sex". I was laughing so hard a half hour into this show I rewinded it with my DVR to make a list of the 20 that they were discussing. Here's 80-60.
80. Aggressive Sports Fan
79. Murse (Man-Purse)
78. Whining
77. Japris/Jhorts (Jean-Capris/Shorts)
76. Air Guiter
75. Saying "Boner"
74. Fake Swearing
73. Hawaiian Shirts
72. Overly Creative Voicemail
71. Names for Breasts (yuck yuck yuck!)
70. Listening to Lite FM
69. Skull Wears
68. Speaking in a Cartoon Voice
67. Can't Throw a Baseball
66. Pet Names for your Penis
65. Crocs
64. Pitted out Shirts (Pit Stains)
63. Booyah!
62. Tap That/Hit That
61. Dungeons & Dragons
60. LARPing (Live Action Role Playing)
Clearly the people who made this list were a little anti-geek so I don't agree with all of it (D&D for example I don't care about, especially since I avidly play World of Warcraft, though someone who seriously LARPs would be pushing it). I kind of hate sports, so I could care less if a guy could throw a baseball and I definitely would never date an "aggressive sports fan" (as the show said, these guys are more in a relationship with the game/their team and you're their mistress). I do have a soft side for girly men, but I don't want them carrying a man purse, that's really creepy. I did date a guy who wore basically nothing but Hawaiian shirts for the entire first year I knew him, but I think this depends on the person, and my ability to look past it. I also dated a guy who used the word "boobies" sometimes, usually because he knew I hated it and would tease me with the word. I still hated it, nicknames for boobs is a huge pet peeve. No one should do it, it's not attractive hearing boob nicknames, and using the word "boobies" is an indicator of immaturity. PASS. All other things on this list I'm rather neutral about, with the exception of anyone who'd ever say "I wanna tap that", because that's the cue to immediately walk away. Any guy who uses that term is an asshole. Lastly, Japris make anyone look fat/unappealing. I don't approve of girls wearing them either, not that I know anyone that does. And who the hell says the word "boner", ever? I can see that in an American Pie movie from the 90's... but that's about it.
Overall a good list, I wanna catch the rest of these shows to see what made their #1. I hope it's snoring, because that's certainly my #1. I know it can't be helped, but god it's annoying.
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